Confidence Builders
Would you like to feel very confident when you have dinner at a friend’s house or in a restaurant? It starts when you first greet your host or hostess. Look them directly in the eyes, extend your right hand, and say loud enough to be heard and slowly “It is very nice to see you again.” OR “Thank you for inviting me over to dinner.” OR “Hello Mrs. ZZZZ. It is very nice to meet you.” Hearty handshake. Listen to what is being said to you. It may require a response. Be prepared to say something in return.
Breathe.
When you hear the word manners, you may think of a whole bunch of rules you are supposed to follow when you dine out with other people.
At their core, MANNERS are just about being respectful and considerate to those around you.
Table manners are particularly important because it is easy to gross someone out when you are eating with them. To see or hear someone slurping, or chomping on their food while they are talking, holding a piece of meat on their fork as they are using that hand to gesture while they are talking, or hearing someone clank clank clank the sides of their glass while they stir in their sweetener.
Table manners have always been a good “tell” about someone’s upbringing and refinement, and their sensitivity or awareness around other people.
Before you sit down, you want to silence your mobile phones and put them away. Unless you are expecting a very critical phone call, you can be away from activity on your cell phone while you are having a dining experience with someone.
Make sure to wait for everyone to gather around the table before you sit down yourself. You may want to take a CUE from the host or hostess. Let them sit down first. Gentlemen, if there is a lady beside you, step behind their chair, pull it out for them, ask them to please have a seat, and help scoot their chair to the table. Then, you take your seat.
Generally, the first thing you do after sitting down is to unfold your napkin, make a rectangle by folding the napkin in half, and placing the fold edge closest to your body. Your napkin is your friend so feel free to use it throughout the meal to blot the corner of your mouth. There are a few exceptions, but generally, your napkin should never be tucked in to your shirt or blouse.
BEING PART OF THE GROUP. Dinner is meant to be social. Come to the meal with an awareness of trying to make it a time to talk, but not with food in your mouth. It is a time for catching up with others and sharing a portion of your life with the others.
PRACTICE: go around the table and I would like each person to pay a genuine compliment to someone at the table. That person responds with a thank you and then pays a compliment to someone else at the table, until everyone has had the opportunity to pay a compliment. What is a compliment? Acknowledgement that someone has done something positive and you want to recognize it. Such as: I noticed that you picked up a piece of waded up paper in the hall the other day and threw it in the trash. OR: I really like the way that you say good morning to me in the hall the other day.
If you eat much faster or slower than the rest of the group, take note. You need to learn to either slow down or pick up your pace. Do more talking or less talking.
Checking your phone at the table is disrespectful to others at the table. You are giving a signal that your phone is more interesting than those you are dining with. If you get an urgent call by vibration or a text by vibration that you absolutely need to take care of, excuse yourself and leave the room without bothering any of the other diners.
ENDING THE MEAL: Throughout the meal, If you are taking a break from eating but are not finished yet, most servers will recognize that if you place your knife across the top of your plate, with the blade towards you, and the fork handle resting at about 4:00 and the tines face up in the center, this means you have not finished. WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED, place your fork and your knife at an angle with the tips pointing at 10:00 and the handles at about 4:00 (or 10:20). You will place your napkin folded loosely to the left of your plate.
Would you like to save yourself a heap of embarrassment in the future?
Breathe.
When you hear the word manners, you may think of a whole bunch of rules you are supposed to follow when you dine out with other people.
At their core, MANNERS are just about being respectful and considerate to those around you.
Table manners are particularly important because it is easy to gross someone out when you are eating with them. To see or hear someone slurping, or chomping on their food while they are talking, holding a piece of meat on their fork as they are using that hand to gesture while they are talking, or hearing someone clank clank clank the sides of their glass while they stir in their sweetener.
Table manners have always been a good “tell” about someone’s upbringing and refinement, and their sensitivity or awareness around other people.
Before you sit down, you want to silence your mobile phones and put them away. Unless you are expecting a very critical phone call, you can be away from activity on your cell phone while you are having a dining experience with someone.
Make sure to wait for everyone to gather around the table before you sit down yourself. You may want to take a CUE from the host or hostess. Let them sit down first. Gentlemen, if there is a lady beside you, step behind their chair, pull it out for them, ask them to please have a seat, and help scoot their chair to the table. Then, you take your seat.
Generally, the first thing you do after sitting down is to unfold your napkin, make a rectangle by folding the napkin in half, and placing the fold edge closest to your body. Your napkin is your friend so feel free to use it throughout the meal to blot the corner of your mouth. There are a few exceptions, but generally, your napkin should never be tucked in to your shirt or blouse.
BEING PART OF THE GROUP. Dinner is meant to be social. Come to the meal with an awareness of trying to make it a time to talk, but not with food in your mouth. It is a time for catching up with others and sharing a portion of your life with the others.
PRACTICE: go around the table and I would like each person to pay a genuine compliment to someone at the table. That person responds with a thank you and then pays a compliment to someone else at the table, until everyone has had the opportunity to pay a compliment. What is a compliment? Acknowledgement that someone has done something positive and you want to recognize it. Such as: I noticed that you picked up a piece of waded up paper in the hall the other day and threw it in the trash. OR: I really like the way that you say good morning to me in the hall the other day.
If you eat much faster or slower than the rest of the group, take note. You need to learn to either slow down or pick up your pace. Do more talking or less talking.
Checking your phone at the table is disrespectful to others at the table. You are giving a signal that your phone is more interesting than those you are dining with. If you get an urgent call by vibration or a text by vibration that you absolutely need to take care of, excuse yourself and leave the room without bothering any of the other diners.
ENDING THE MEAL: Throughout the meal, If you are taking a break from eating but are not finished yet, most servers will recognize that if you place your knife across the top of your plate, with the blade towards you, and the fork handle resting at about 4:00 and the tines face up in the center, this means you have not finished. WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED, place your fork and your knife at an angle with the tips pointing at 10:00 and the handles at about 4:00 (or 10:20). You will place your napkin folded loosely to the left of your plate.
Would you like to save yourself a heap of embarrassment in the future?
- CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED. Those you might be dining with, even if it is your family or best friend, do not need to see bits of chicken nuggets or whatever you are chewing inside your mouth. This means, no talking while there is food in your mouth. Close your lips. If someone asks you a question while you are chewing on your food, place 2 or 3 fingers up to your lips and keep chewing. This is an international sign that you heard the question and you will be happy to answer it as soon as you have finished chewing and swallowing your food. Keep your lips closed at all times while chewing and swallowing your food. If you can’t close your lips because food is protruding from your lips and into your cheeks because you took too much food, take smaller bites the next time. Do not take a second bite to blend in with the half-chewed last bite until the first bite has been completely chewed and swallowed. Have you watched some people talk very vigorously while they are chewing their food at the same time? Have you ever been sprayed with projectile food particles?
- DON’T SLURP, EVER. If the soup you are trying to consume is too hot, let it cool down a bit then take small sips from your soup spoon. The soup spoon is your friend. Place it in the soup bowl on the side closest to you and move it away in the opposite direction. After you have lifted it out of the soup, drag the bottom of the spoon on the top edge of the bowl on side where it comes out (away from you), to prevent any of the soup from dripping on you or your lap on it’s path to your mouth.
- Use cutlery from the outside to the inside (that furthest from the sides of the plate first to that closest to the plate).
- The American style of eating is what we will be learning today. Do any students know what this means? How many are right handed? That is called your dominant hand. How many are left handed? That is designated as your dominant hand. While eating something that does not need to be cut, the fork is in your dominant hand. When eating something that needs to be cut into smaller pieces, the fork goes to your non-dominant hand the dominant hand picks up the knife. The fork is used to stabilize the item you are about to cut when you gently stick the tines of the fork into that object, such as your chicken. Notice that I said gently stick the tines of the fork into that object…do not make a grand stabbing gesture. Hold the meat in place while the knife, in your dominant hand, blade side down, gently saws back and forth enough for one bite sized piece. You may cut up to three bite size pieces, no more. Place your fork on the top edge of your plate, with the blade facing towards you. (The blade facing away from you, at other people, is a sign of you being defensive or about to stab someone who may be reaching for your food.) SWITCH THE FORK TO YOUR DOMINANT HAND and gently stab one of the pieces of meat you have cut and place it in your mouth. You may either place the fork on the plate and chew with your lips closed, or gently hold the empty fork close to the plate. Do not spear another piece of meat until you have completely chewed and swallowed the first bite.